04 August 2013

It's been a while.

Why can't we (me?) be as casual as we are with friends but we just can't when it comes to the one we love.

Too much considerations at play.

That results to lame-ness boring-ness emotion-less phun-less.

#LifesLikeThat :|

The Leap Forward

I suddenly have the urge to change. Forward. For the better of me.
I think i've stated before in my other blog post, i don't like perpisahan.
What i didn't mentioned was that the other thing that i do not prefer is perubahan.
In my sense, perubahan is when things or a way needs to change in order to cater for new things coming in, where we had to be not us anymore, and yet we still insist of being us, who we usually were, but differently. Thats perubahana and i hate it. :|

Hey, resist to change? So old fashioned right? To leap forward is to have a change; a change to the brighter side.

Is this my concious? or is this a normal step in life when a man suddenly realise that he is old enough to now make up his own life (duhh~!) and understands that those little bubble of anti-perubahan that he has in his tiny puny stupid little fantasy mind is just his own self denying his resistance to changes. He resist, in silent, that his friends is moving forward, following the norms of society, following what stereotype method of life conducts, accepting the same fucking routines that thos guys in hats decides; believing in full dumbness what the society decides is right, IS right.

Is that me or my own rebellious, non-appreciative, ignorance alter ego?

Erm, you two is the only readers i have for this my Hingus. or rather, Doc, you may be the only one who still reads my crap. Thanks for that. What do you think though? I am a tru beliver of HONESTY now. I would appreciate all the bitter truth you may want to express out to me. (thanks a fuck UTP for doing that to me).

I think i should be a more discipline man.
I think i should go to gm and shape up my body.
I think i should save my money more, changing my lifestyle.
I think i should stop being this coward i am, and go face her and LIVE WITH THE OUTCOME!
I think i am to study again, both religiously and academically.
I think i should not be that stupid son that i am now, and face whatever music composed to me out there.
I think this blog post sucks.

What do you think? OR is this my mistake? "thinking too much". just think think think and no action. i want that, i want this, i think its better that, i think it should be this, but absolutely NO FREAKING ACTION! I am ratting my shit out that its not the world, it who you are, you and yoy alone decides the way you are, fuck the damn world for not seeing you the way you are comfortable living in, but yet, here i am concerning my ass of whatever YOU may think. -___-: i am apparently lying to my own self.

Thanks for reading. Though it should've been my nurain reading this. :/

/me sucks.

Isu nikmat

isu nikmat datang lagi.
dah lama tidak berperasaan begini.
datang pula ia kembali.
well, tidaklah lama sangat, rasanya ada sedikit perasaan ini datang tatkala aku di perantauan.
perasaan diri lemah. dan tidak berguna. dan tidak berupaya.

:(

maaf, selagi saya tidak dapat membuang perasaan ini, saya rasa selagi itu saya tidak akan mampu jadi, tidak akan mampu yakinkan diri, tidak mampu menipu hati, bahawa saya yang terbaik untuk diri saya dan diri kamu. saya masih. masih terpaut dengan noda kekurangan diri. masih rela ditipu perasaan cacat hati. masih dibelenggu pmikiran kolot tentang keupayaan diri.

duit bukan segala. tapi dengan duit boleh menjadi salah satu musabab mata saya ok dengan izin Allah. tapi saya paham dan berkali-kali yakinkan diri bahawasanya Dia-lah segala. Dia-lah penentunya. hanya sunnah-nya yang telah tahu hala tuju saya dan diri saya dan peribadi saya. pulih mata bukan kerana usaha saya, tp adalah kerana kehendak-Nya.

sabar ya, jikalau Dia membenarkannya, saya akan boleh menjadi seperti yang lain, tapi khusus buatmu sahaja.

ya Allah ya tuhanku, Engkau tanamlah permanent keyakinan di dalam diriku, janganlah Engkau biarkan walau sekelumit doubt terkumis di pelusuk jiwaku. hanya pada-mu kuberserah, tuhan sekalian alam, yang maha Mengetahui, maha Adil. Amin...

>.<

/adam

Get real.

Its time to get real.

For self.
For family.
For relationship.

Gotta be more rajin, buang all thos procrastinating, and always be responsible. Stop using others for your own and remember Allah always.

Gotta stand up, and be a man. Avouding problems doesn't solve it. Gotta face the world, and show everyone that you are your own man now. Gotta lead. Gotta decide. Gotta strive. Gotta love. Gotta care. Gotta be more sensitive. Gotta think. Gotta....guide. Got to polish Iman...

Gotta go to her. And tell her that I Love Her. Very Much. And stop being a wuss, and accept whatever the outcome may be. Need to let her know i waited soooooo freaking long is because my own self not believing in my own capabilities, me own self feels really small without my paper qualifications, that me own heart considers me self a failure. but that NO MORE! Gotta show her that i am confident now, that i am ready, that i am not ashamed anymore with my condition, with ny appearence, with my physical, with my weak self... -,- Again, BE A MAN me fscking idiot me!

#ughh #LifesHard

P/s: seems somethings not right..did i upset her or anyone? Then agaib, overthinking kills.. >_<

//adam

Simpan hati dlm poket blakang

Sshnyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee untuk xmoh jeles. >_<

Sy pun xtahu, tp rupenye sy blh jd seorg yg sgt sgt kuat iri hati. Ingat post berkennan mengapa perlu iri? Asalnye mmg tujuan kepade kisah org lain, tp skrg post sama sy tujuankn kepade diri sendiri.

Sendiri bodoh dan penakut.
Dah iri baru nak ternganga.
Selepas itu mulalah die dgn perangai pondannya.
Susahkan jika ada iri.
Lebih2 lg iri dgn sahabat sendiri.
Bodoh, sy tahu.

Tp... Susahnyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeereeeeeeeeereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee >_< ini isu HATI!

//alak yg bodoh.

(Awop, awop kn pmbace setia.. Tlg sy awop eh.. Ajor sket sy.. Nasehat gop sket.. Sy xmoh berperangai bodo mcm sy ni, tp sy sgt sgt sgt sgtlah kenan ke die.. >_<~~)

Tengkorak

i miss my tengkorak no 1.

:(

//alak

Hilang Lagi

Satu lg tarikh penting hilang.
Untuk kali keempatnye.
Aku lambat lagi.
Bodoh skali lagi.

1.9
26.12
13.2
16.7

Xxxx. My. Life.