Then again...

But then again.. who am i to be down?
A person with rights to be down. to feel jealous, to suck.
The one who should, or who have the right condition to feel that way is a person who have went and tried, and failed.
i am definitely not that person.
o.o

(But.......i have my limitations, which sampai sudah i won;t be able to..compete.)
(Jangan kufur nikmat. #Note2Self)

I iz makin down ngan diri snirik lah pulok. -,-

.

Session

To say agony is to exaggerate.
Agony is too much extreme.
But i am in a state of near agony.
Uncomfortable.
Uneasy.
Incommodious.
Someone has put a whole 1 ton of compact block onto my chest.
And it hurts. Crushing. Downwards.

I can, can i?
Spitting what i feel, here..
Think so. I should be able to.
I can write anything. Anyhow. Anytime.
But theres one problem.
My wall is not forcing me back.
My echo returns silence.

I need a session.
ITC, OTB, ITB, H2H, whatever, whichever.
T______T
A session where i can admit my own losing.

.

Meaning

What does it mean when you're jealous?
Its a good indicator right?
jealousy should be the pusher.
But its not, still.
FML?
>.<

.

WTF

Who the phuck is man?
I hate man.

Go.
Die.
Miserably.

.

Act of Denial

When your body denies your thoughts.
Urges of the heart no more than an flick of the mind.
As your body refuses, again and again, you'll start to wonder.
Is it my body? Or my mind?
And your body refuse again.
You'll wonder again.
Is it my body? Or my mind?
This came again and again.
Until you realize.
Its not your body, nor its your mind.
It's you heart.

in simpler terms: hati nolok. -,-

#haishhhhhhhhhhhh~

-alak-

Perpisahan. Benci.

i think i;ve blogged or rant somewhere bout this before.
perpisahan. just pure hate it.

its not just those "i'll be going to Planet Nameck for 400 lightyears" kind of perpisahan, nor just those simple2 perpisahan like "sy blk kampung sbulan" kind of perpisahan, but also, those normal.. "K thanks. jumpe smula luse.." THAT is also perpisahan, walau it is just for a mere two days.

hate the feeling. hate it.

its a condition where "goodbye" faces are made, a smirking awkward smile or sort, and the heart says "i would have to go now, logically, principally, i have to leave you temporarily now" but of course "if i can go againts the norms of life, i would rather be with you, always, not having to deal with those perpisahan feelings and silly goodbyes and the heartache thereafter"

Haih.. Yes, its fucking silly i noe. but F, thats how i am.

Sy jenis 'memiliki'. Call it manje or what not, i dont care, manja or not, thats one of me i am 'me' about.
Thanks for reading my ranting though.

o_o

-adam-

26

Erm.. Yeay? Alhamdulillah..

I lived.

I was given the chance, still, to live.

I am, still, yet, given the chance to ponder on my weak self, to learn to syukur to Allah S.W.T.

But will i be that me i am hoping to be? o.o

I'm 26 now. Quite a boring start to the-next-day-after-my-birthday day. Can't exactly recall who but think it was ZSA who asked me for any new "azam". Well.. to be honest, no. Not yet at least. If you want my short term goal? RM12000 per month within three years. Sound good? Yeah, i know; lame as it may be. 

-,-

To ZSA, i was being honest when i answered you. i told you "nk gi jauh2, cari pitih bnyk2." Ended with a  smirk on me face, but, hey that's my cover-serious face! =P Need to solve what my head burdened with the most, $$$! I know Allah has His plans for me. I will face it and goes through it all, with patience and confident. :)

Will this year be again a failure year, same as previous years? My life starts crumbling down and down and down and down and spiraling downwards on and on, starting from that shitty Thursday morning, 4 years back. Ughhhhhhhh!

But that's my "x reti nk menghitung kesyukuran" self speaking. My 23, 24 25, and 26 me? Well, Me, myself, and i has always kept telling each other that there is always hikmah in every sunnatullah in this world. I am obliged to accept and be damn confident at that, which i am, i truly am. Alhamdulillah..

Put those aside for a while. I hope this future years will be a kind one for me. I would like to be highly competent with my technical me. I would like to be at ease about dollars and cents. I wish for me courage to push me to get me my special one. There. Three, that's.. enough for now? Haha..

And a shout-out to my friends, THANK YOU SO MUCH for being there when it matters. :) Appreciate the time and effort. It meant a lot to me, so very much.

Semoga kita semua senantiasa di bawah pandangan rahmah Allah S.W.T. 

Sincerely,

Adam.