Ceremonial Judgement (Please.. :/)

:/ i dont even know how to start this entry.

:| just wanna say, please go. Please don't miss it. Its not a movie show that can be repeated later at 3.30 and tonight at 9.

:\ please don't be that person who then would just have to keep quite and smiling awkwardly while others get to show off their seal. always having excuses when being asked, avoiding topics with stupid meaningless conversation..just cause you didnt have it. :\

:( please, just proceed with what you must. i really believe in what i said you know, ade permulaan, adelah penghujungnye. ade pembukaan, perlulah ade penutupnye. this is that penutup. this is that thing that seals it.

:j please, you would not understand this feeling of unfinished business, this urges of unsettlement, this last slot of a nine hundred and ninety nine pieces. just that last bank column for a definite closure. blanketing all the years. yes, i realize its a bit unfortunate that yr family coulnd't join you, but we're here. other important persons in your life is hre too right? and that counts!

>_< please..

to hell with their new shoes.
to hell with their custom clothing.
to hell with their photog and what not.

things make sense only when you want it to. if not, fuck it. its you, yourself and.. well, irene?
And please dont say that "its just you". were here. I'm here. we are all here. and we seriously, in Allah's name, ARE happy for you. Its not just about you, its bout all of us. Why should you care? Cause thats the way it goes. You are not you if not for all of this. You're this because of you.

eh? g eh..? :)







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and yeah, i sometimes realize the principle of lending an ear (is this right?) but sorry, i'm just being me, i have to say it. bitter, yes, not proper, yes, but i'm being my selfish me as always, saying what i believe to be true, from my heart. lucky you. i would need one for myself too.. probably. :\

i' a guy and a Gemini. heh..

-adam

felix the cat?

whats felix doing there?
unknowingly yr artistic side is surfin
no matter how you contain it

dilemma dilemma..

haha

Alhamdullilah

Yeahhh a three week work effort paid of yesterday. An SAP OS/DB migration done. Well migration part done. Now to upgrade it to ECC 6 with EHP5! Muahahahaha! We'll see how it goes. :)

Would also like to share a word from our PM, "itu mungkin bkn rahmat sbb ko tu..itu mungkin mak ko angkat tangan doa tu.." . I was a vit stumped at first, but then i smiled. He was right, and he made me realize. :) tp hv that faith in his heart, i envy that.

Life lesson could really come from anywhere.

./adam

Selit

Ape itu selit? Bile kedegilan diri makan diri kite snirik. Itulah selit.

O.o

My fault.

I just realize.
I didn't respond properly to poster issue.
I didn't finished up what i promised two weeks ago.
I didn't follow up to whatever i'm supposed to, cause i didn't do nothing.
I didn't socially keep up, just to know what's going on.

I didn't.
It's official.
It's my fault.

o.o

.

Ikut hati mati?

Ye dopp?
Ngoti ikut hati mati?
Ikut hati bukan ke ikut instinct ke?
Instinct, in my point of view means decision yang terdetik sekilas dari hati.
ye, so ikut instinct ialah ikut hati.

So?

.

Let it be you

Please.. Can it be you?
Each and everytime.
That familiar sound from my phone.
Can it be you?
Please.. Why is it not you?
Each time that tiny LED blinks blue.
Can't it always be you?
That split second where u reach for my hone, that split second the dimmer lights up, that split second a click goes.
Can't it be you.

:|

.

Then again...

But then again.. who am i to be down?
A person with rights to be down. to feel jealous, to suck.
The one who should, or who have the right condition to feel that way is a person who have went and tried, and failed.
i am definitely not that person.
o.o

(But.......i have my limitations, which sampai sudah i won;t be able to..compete.)
(Jangan kufur nikmat. #Note2Self)

I iz makin down ngan diri snirik lah pulok. -,-

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Session

To say agony is to exaggerate.
Agony is too much extreme.
But i am in a state of near agony.
Uncomfortable.
Uneasy.
Incommodious.
Someone has put a whole 1 ton of compact block onto my chest.
And it hurts. Crushing. Downwards.

I can, can i?
Spitting what i feel, here..
Think so. I should be able to.
I can write anything. Anyhow. Anytime.
But theres one problem.
My wall is not forcing me back.
My echo returns silence.

I need a session.
ITC, OTB, ITB, H2H, whatever, whichever.
T______T
A session where i can admit my own losing.

.

Meaning

What does it mean when you're jealous?
Its a good indicator right?
jealousy should be the pusher.
But its not, still.
FML?
>.<

.

WTF

Who the phuck is man?
I hate man.

Go.
Die.
Miserably.

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Act of Denial

When your body denies your thoughts.
Urges of the heart no more than an flick of the mind.
As your body refuses, again and again, you'll start to wonder.
Is it my body? Or my mind?
And your body refuse again.
You'll wonder again.
Is it my body? Or my mind?
This came again and again.
Until you realize.
Its not your body, nor its your mind.
It's you heart.

in simpler terms: hati nolok. -,-

#haishhhhhhhhhhhh~

-alak-

Perpisahan. Benci.

i think i;ve blogged or rant somewhere bout this before.
perpisahan. just pure hate it.

its not just those "i'll be going to Planet Nameck for 400 lightyears" kind of perpisahan, nor just those simple2 perpisahan like "sy blk kampung sbulan" kind of perpisahan, but also, those normal.. "K thanks. jumpe smula luse.." THAT is also perpisahan, walau it is just for a mere two days.

hate the feeling. hate it.

its a condition where "goodbye" faces are made, a smirking awkward smile or sort, and the heart says "i would have to go now, logically, principally, i have to leave you temporarily now" but of course "if i can go againts the norms of life, i would rather be with you, always, not having to deal with those perpisahan feelings and silly goodbyes and the heartache thereafter"

Haih.. Yes, its fucking silly i noe. but F, thats how i am.

Sy jenis 'memiliki'. Call it manje or what not, i dont care, manja or not, thats one of me i am 'me' about.
Thanks for reading my ranting though.

o_o

-adam-

26

Erm.. Yeay? Alhamdulillah..

I lived.

I was given the chance, still, to live.

I am, still, yet, given the chance to ponder on my weak self, to learn to syukur to Allah S.W.T.

But will i be that me i am hoping to be? o.o

I'm 26 now. Quite a boring start to the-next-day-after-my-birthday day. Can't exactly recall who but think it was ZSA who asked me for any new "azam". Well.. to be honest, no. Not yet at least. If you want my short term goal? RM12000 per month within three years. Sound good? Yeah, i know; lame as it may be. 

-,-

To ZSA, i was being honest when i answered you. i told you "nk gi jauh2, cari pitih bnyk2." Ended with a  smirk on me face, but, hey that's my cover-serious face! =P Need to solve what my head burdened with the most, $$$! I know Allah has His plans for me. I will face it and goes through it all, with patience and confident. :)

Will this year be again a failure year, same as previous years? My life starts crumbling down and down and down and down and spiraling downwards on and on, starting from that shitty Thursday morning, 4 years back. Ughhhhhhhh!

But that's my "x reti nk menghitung kesyukuran" self speaking. My 23, 24 25, and 26 me? Well, Me, myself, and i has always kept telling each other that there is always hikmah in every sunnatullah in this world. I am obliged to accept and be damn confident at that, which i am, i truly am. Alhamdulillah..

Put those aside for a while. I hope this future years will be a kind one for me. I would like to be highly competent with my technical me. I would like to be at ease about dollars and cents. I wish for me courage to push me to get me my special one. There. Three, that's.. enough for now? Haha..

And a shout-out to my friends, THANK YOU SO MUCH for being there when it matters. :) Appreciate the time and effort. It meant a lot to me, so very much.

Semoga kita semua senantiasa di bawah pandangan rahmah Allah S.W.T. 

Sincerely,

Adam.

Lidah setajam pisau

Lidah setajam pisau.

More than it means, lidah lebih tajam dr pisau.
Ingat, hilang Bulan pun Matahari tak bersendiri.
Masih ada Musytari, Marikh dan Utarid.
Pluto jauh di hujung, tapi dia masih di situ.
Zuhrah kadang-kadang lupa dengan Uranus dan Neptune, setia di sisi.
Memerhati, diam atas dasar teman.

Jangan hanya berkata, pandang mulut mereka, dan rasa isi perkataan.
Tak rasa? Jangan risau, beringatlah dulu.
Nanti dah rasa, lekatlah ia.
Sebab apa baru rasa? Sebab baru hendak merasa bukan?
Selama ini? Tak sedar? Tak ingat? Tak peka?
Bukan. Bukan.
Selama ini dalam kenaifan sendiri.
Bukan?
Bukan. Bukan.
Selama ini lupa nk nampak.
Lupa nk peka.
Perasan, sedar, cuma lupa nk endah.
Tidak mengapa, selama ini ada Uranus. Bertepuk dahi.
Neptune sisip senyum tiap kali.
Dah lupa dengan mereka?
Tidak. Mana boleh lupa, mereka yg masih di sisi. Teman.

Zuhal di Bumi duduk sendiri.
Pluto jauh memerhati.

-mengarut di kala perut kruk kruk-
-away tapau beger 5 bijik-

/alak

i want you......to want it.

When i want to, i want to.
I don't need anyone's wanting me to want something.
It's me who want it, so let me be.
Let me wanting that thing i want you to be wanting too.
You want it.
I want to.
You don't want me to.
I want to.
But i won't be wanting it if you dont want me to be wanting it for you.
Do you?

I want to. :(

/alak

Sentuh jari dkt idung

Kalau jealous, sentuhlah jari kat idung.
Kalau tak jealous, x payah lah sentuh.

"Molly sucks" Bestnye ade org jeles utk die.. :|

#BreakingIn

/alak

Friend

malique dan joe penah dh mengalunkan perihal silam mereka sewaktu mereke masih kurg dewase, di mane seorg gadis yg mereke kenali dan bersame dr kecil hingga tingkat usia remaje akhirnye meniggalkan mereke, dgn care kurg selese di bawah norma acceptance masyarakat.

itu intipati lagu Too Phat - Just A Friend.

well, gadis2 itu tidak curang, tp mereke khianat. khianati persahabatan yg malique dan joe curahkan. salah mereke? juge tidak, salah joe dan malique? juge tidak. well, half half? mungkin. itulah perangkap friendzone. imho, ia adalah partly kurang keyakinan di kedua pihak, tidak dpt menghandle kekeciwaan di pihak sebelah, dan sikap tidak pandai menghargai atau separe sombong sebelah pihak lagi.

Cerite AsyC89 mungkin betul, mungkin tidak (aku rase betul) but i feel you bro. for in my case with my crush, 6 years, and now she's married. and it feels so wrong everytime she text me, and everytime 13th february come around. friendzone kills.

but then what can you do to avoid it? for you are only good for nothing accept for being a supportive dumb 'friend' in which it is in yr nature to be good and forgiving to the one you like. it hurts, always, but its comforting at the same time, being close and knowing she is still there, always comfortable being around you. but it kills.

it kills when you know she's responding yet not sure for what that respond is supposed to mean.
it kills when you know she wants you to be close, yet when you are there, she's not.
it kills that when you want to distance yrself, she keeps coming asking for you.
it kills when she said she's ok to you yet next tells someone else of her discomfort.
it kills when you know she can trust you but she doesn't know that you know that she is not trusting you.
it kills when she had to neglect you just for seeing 'a friend'.
it kills that all you can do is be the naive you, hoping, dreaming, drooling for her, yet shes happy with the way things are, not wanting a single less, nor a bit more.
it kills when you have her.

and why do i have to write this long post for it? well, it's my fcuking blog, i'll do what i please.
i 0wn3d this post.

tata.

- alak -

That Feeling

i always get this feeling.
this feeling when you feel you have a missing puzzle.
a feeling of emptiness.
sometimes its just for a moment, but it can be recurring at times.
the same feeling over and over again.
you can't yet figure it out but you know that theres this feeling.
this feeling where there is something not at it's supposed placement.
this feeling of discomfort a one ouny spot in your heart.
this would later lead to a overthinked condition.
that would lead to a misjudged situation.
next come the poor decision making.

And last, the not so plausible aftermath.

it always start with this feeling.

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

- alak -

Kesempatan

Kesempatan kesempatan~
Diambil kesempatan~
Kesempatan kesempatan~
Diambil kesempatan~

Diambil diambil~
diambil kesempatan~
Diambil diambil~
Diambil kesempatan~

That, atau aku hanya dillusional. o.o

Jaga diri ye..

Sekian.

- alak -

Thank You

Thank you for trusting me.
Seriously, thank you.
I appreciate it, really.

:)

/alak

Quick way Enable ping replies in Windows

A ref from petri: http://www.petri.co.il/enable-ping-windows-2008-server.htm

To enable:

netsh firewall set icmpsetting 8

To Disable:

netsh firewall set icmpsetting 8 disable

/alak

Teeth: Part 1

SO after like 15 years since my last visit to the dental clinic, i again lured in.
Did some checkups, some scaling (is this the correct term) where they remove all those things which is not suppose to be there in my mouth (well, according to my dentist, @AtieZul (wiwitt~ XD) that is). So now, i feel cleaner, but a bit awkward. Need some time getting used to. Haha..

Anyway, few comment came along those visits to the clinic. My teeth is like this my teeth is like that, seems like my jaw is a bit smaller, so my teeth is a bit packed.. i have less wisdom teeth.. (WHATT!!??!) and my _________ (lelangit in english is?) is a bit too high, bla bla bla..

At first it came to me that could it be that they growth of someone's mouth area is highly influenced by their growth place/culture/habits and all, well by logic , of course yes. i mean, if you live in Asia, the food you eat daily is definitely different from what you eat if you were to grow up in ISS (international space station) keh3.. XD

My 'logic' tells me something along the line of 'say you eat meat since childhood, then most prob your teeth tend to be more.. er.. sharp?' well.. that's just logic and no research done at all. so sck it. i acknowledge my self. haha..

I remembered some years before i had watched this one documentary (or did i read it in a comic or sumthing..) where a skull is found, and they determined that most probably they skull is someone whos working as a construction worker or a carpenter or sumthing, coz based on the markings on their teeth, they figured a house builder /construction worker/carpenter frequently have the habit to bite nails as they need to used their hands to hammer in on the wall or whatever surface they want to hammer it too. They used their mouth to hold those extra nails. So this creates some pattern on their teeth which then can be identified by these CSI-like guys. Well that, i iz amazed. haha

Cool right? well damn you if you don't think so. =p i do. then i started to think that you can map all this teeth shape and sizes and what not to human growth nature, occupation, and base on those, there should be a pattern to their personality. I remembered back when i was in my secondary school, i was in a technical school which have four majors: mechanical, electrical, civil and accounts. What i used to do is to observed they way my fellow schoolmates eat. how they handle their plate, how they get the food into their mouth, how they act during eating, how they delegate their food on the plate, how evenly they distribute each bite, and so on. This turns out to reveal a pattern, which i can proudly say, i amanage to identify electrical - mechanical and accounts students precisely, say 8 out of 10. Well, theres always room for improvement =p. So..... for teeth alone,...... yup! there definitely IS! If i'm not wrong its called Physiognomy.

From Wikipedia:

Physiognomy (from the Gk. physis meaning 'nature' and gnomon meaning 'judge' or 'interpreter') is the assessment of a person's character or personality from his outer appearance, especially the face. The term physiognomy can also refer to the general appearance of a person, object or terrain, without reference to its implied characteristics.

Well, that seems correct right? Its not entirely for teeth but it covers it under the 'face' general area. The first google attempt reveals all the information i wanted. But fo course, i wouldn't know if this is true, but they have done research on this, so it must be then. Few links below.. just see which suits yours. :)

http://www.wofs.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=560:watch-your-teeth-they-reveal-more-than-you-realize&catid=22:miscellaneous&Itemid=38

http://www.dentalplans.com/articles/34102/teeth-can-provide-personality-insights.html

http://www.crystalinks.com/facial_analysis.html

http://www.medhe.com/teeth-the-personality-reflection/

And this: =p

http://www.infographicsarchive.com/interesting-facts/do-teeth-define-your-personality/

/alak

Mari siapkan kerje!

Jom kite listkan ape mende aku *wish* nk siapkan wiken ni:

- mdalib requirement documentation
- wifi maxis report
- safiah nye keje
- ana nye keje
- life college
- jasabyte site

K tuh je.

Thanks!